What did you call me?

One of the reasons why we felt it was time to negotiate a new contract was because we knew it was necessary in order to be able to move forward in our relationship.   Neither one of us wants to become stagnant.   That's not to say that our life is one crazy sexual adventure after another, because that would be near impossible.   Real life happens you know.

I've given a lot of thought to my personal journey and the many ways I'm constantly changing and evolving.  There are lots of new things that don't come easy for me, however, I'm determined to persevere.  One of my current struggles has been with clover clamps.

I have VERY sensitive nipples.  It's a blessing and a curse.  I can orgasm from nipple play alone which Sir LOVES.   We stopped using nipple clamps awhile ago and recently I asked Sir to bring them back out.  It hurt so bad in such a good way and for days my nipples were on high alert.   

The other night he brought them back out but this time I had to actually walk with them on, kneel, and undress him.   This was very hard to do because the pain from the clamps is so distracting it's almost impossible to focus on the task at hand.   Sir was kind enough to remove them after he felt I had suffered enough but I was still disappointed in my inability to handle them for a longer period of time.   I look forward to more of this "training."   

During our play the other night I did discover something new about myself.   Sir called me a name.   He called me his little cocksucker.   At the time it was very appropriate because I was sucking his cock :)   I had an immediate physical response to this which surprised me.  Name calling has never been something that I thought I would respond to although I do admit the thought of it has intrigued me.   There are some aspects of humiliation/degradation that have interested me and I can add name calling to this list.  I don't believe that I would enjoy insults though, but then insults can be considered subjective depending on what words are being used.

I would also like to try wax play.   It's something I've never tried but recently it has become something I've become more interested in.   I'm hoping that Sir and I will be venturing down this path soon.   I'm not going to lie...it's probably the marks from the hot wax that I crave the most.

I hope you, dear readers, are enjoying your own discovery and journey.   

Hi, My name is ...

The Submissive Feminist....

Wait....What?

I've been involved with Sir for four and a half years.  About halfway through our relationship we dipped our toes in the BDSM water and have been there ever since.   This world wasn't new to me but I had been away from it for a long time.   Sir was new but a quick learner and took to his role right away.

During the past several years while I drifted in and out of BDSM relationships there was always one common issue I kept running into.  For some reason, in this world, people want to label you.  Okay maybe that's true in all worlds, but for now I'm talking about this one.  I would constantly hear things like "You're not a true submissive unless..." And I didn't meet a lot of the criteria that would follow that statement.  So I never felt like a true submissive.  I always felt as if I was outside of this world just looking in.

A little over a year ago when Sir and I started living together we decided it was time to negotiate a contract.  I was very excited about this.  By nature I'm a very structured person and I like rules, guidelines, etc.   This was a new development for us and we did some research and Sir drafted a contract that seemed to fit "the norms" for our type of relationship.

Within two weeks I hated it.  There were things that, per our contract, Sir expected and I hated it. And I hated myself for hating it.   It wasn't about tasks or requests that I was uncomfortable with.   It was about tasks and requests that I dreaded.  I began to question myself.  'Maybe I'm not a submissive?'  

This created some issues between us and we voided the contract on a temporary basis.

Over the next several months I thought about it.  I wondered about what box I fit into?   And you know what I learned?  I don't fit into any box.

I'm an independent woman who has raised two children.  I work full time in a managerial position and take those responsibilities very seriously.  I have a great circle of friends and enjoy my time with them.  I believe that in a relationship both partners should contribute equally and both partners have equal rights and responsibilities. I consider myself to be a feminist.  

I am also a masochist.   And I am submissive, but it doesn't always come naturally.   There are some ways in which I have to work a little harder but that's okay with me.  In those specific areas I've come to understand that I benefit from giving Sir control even if at times it rubs me the wrong way.   I'm also snarky, opinionated, and I'm not afraid to speak my mind.  And my Sir, he's more than okay with all of that.

Last week we sat down together and negotiated another contract.  I did a LOT more research on this one and read a lot of different articles and blog posts.  I identified the different kinds of contracts and their qualities and I noted items and thoughts that appealed to me;  that I thought I could learn from; and things that I knew Sir would appreciate.  

We went over it together item by item and made some additional changes and are now at a point where we have a working document.  We're both very happy with it and for me it's helped me to feel more comfortable in my feminist/submissive/masochist skin.   And I believe it will serve to encourage and remind both of us to take care of each other.  And no matter how much we love each other, that reminder is still necessary.   Life happens.  Work happens.  And it's easy to get busy and make excuses for not giving your partner the time and/or attention he/she deserves.  

Others, looking in from the outside will still try to label us. They might view Sir as being too lenient. I might be seen as too snarky and sarcastic to be submissive.  Our contract is a good representation of who we are TO EACH OTHER and that's all that really matters.